Monday 8 November 2010

Back to Cash Games (For a While?)

There's just no way I can go on playing those double up sit'n'goes. Entirely too mechanic and their variance is a bitch I not always feel like dealing with. So I keep hopping around from game to game and eventually may have found that online cash games are for now the place to be in.

Been playing ~8 tables of NL10 over at iPoker for a couple of sessions, slightly below 3k hands, up almost 3 BIs with rakeback, 1.5 BIs without. 3k hands is such a small sample that I won't even begin to sketch any conclusions. In order to keep me focused - or at least try to - I'm starting a new challenge, a simple one at that. I want to arrive at 750k hands while trying the utmost to play my A-game. Then I'll stop and analyze my game, my stats, the spots where I'm leaking and all that jazz.

No other goals for now. I'll be playing live the 1,100 buy-in Main Event of the Solverde Season in December, it will be like 30k chips, one hour levels, so plently of poker to be played there. High hopes for that and will try to play my best. I've been trying to step up my tournament game recently, being a bit more aggressive, seeing more flops, calling more in position, re-raising opponents when I think the spot is right, so let's see how that works out in December.

Wednesday 20 October 2010

Shipaments (sic)

Well, I knew results would come somewhere down the line if I maintained the discipline and approached the game differently. However I'm surprised that a running hot phase would come so suddenly. After cashing in the Sunday live tournament I usually play in, last night I shipped another live similar to the one I play on Fridays. No bad beats taken or received but I was indeed lucky to win every race I needed to win. I don't remember one where I wasn't ahead, though, so I really was never upsetting probabilities or anything. Therefore I am happy with the way I played and double happy to have been able to add another tournament victory to my resume.

In terms of how I played, I'm pretty much happy with the way I did it. Only regrets may have been a couple of plays where again I should have trust my reads and should have pushed over the top winning a lot of chips in the process due to having huge fold equity in those spots. I guess I'm still short of having the heart of a really good player, but that's something that will have to change soon. On the other hand, I'm not really sure how those spots should have been played in terms of ICM... maybe those were good folds, anyway. :)

Now reflecting hard whether or not I should play the Estoril Poker Open at the end of the month. Registration seems to end today so I better make a decision soon. I really want to play this one badly, but it's obviously stupid in terms of bankroll. Some backers would be nice, but it's tough to find those for such a tournament. We'll see what I'll decide a bit later on.

Also had a great day online yesterday, hitting a hot streak and cashing in a lot of double up sits. Earlier today the blue line (you know, the one including rakeback in HEM) actually hit positive terrain again but slipped again right afterwards because I lost one on the bubble with A8hh versus 88. Guy just completed on the SB and on these sits this usually means weakness. Given our stacks I thought I could make him fold if I shoved and still have some showdown value if not but alas he calls with 88 and GG me.

Will try to put on some volume later today, hopefully some more 10 or 15 sits. Let's see how it goes, as the challenge is simply to maintain my current level of play...

Monday 18 October 2010

Baby Steps

Maybe it's still a bit too early to talk about it, as in poker (and mostly everything else, I guess) things should be looked at in the long term. But following my "enlightenment" post, shall I call it, I've been at least having a lot more fun and a lot less stress playing poker. As I said before, all that really matters to me right now as a poker player is making the fewest possible mistakes. With every little decision, I aim for the best course of action, taking into account as many variables as I possibly can.

So far so good and I feel I definitely brought my game up a notch in these last few days. I'm more concentrated, more relaxed and feel able to see more clearly into each hand. One thing I somehow struggled a lot with before was that I took a lot of actions without "straightening things out" in my mind. Meaning that a lot of the time, I was betting X or raising or checking without really thinking about it, without coming to a sort of quick peace with myself that that decision was the best one to make, as far as I could see. I was acting a lot on feel and impulse and while "feel" is invaluable for the poker player, it's just not enough by itself.

Now I'm taking a bit more time thinking things through and feel more and more confident with each move I make. I'm not always doing the right thing but at least the time I'm not spending cursing about bad beats can now be best applied thinking about what I did wrong and saving a mental note about it so I can try and make a better decision the next time a similar spot comes up.

Results wise - not that they matter, right? ;-) - I'm slightly positive since that post last Friday and playing at a comfortable level. Taking things easy and aiming to put a lot of hours till the end of the month for rakeback purposes. If I break even at the tables, it'll still be nice because of the rakeback, so that's the best I'm hoping for.

Friday 15 October 2010

Live SnG Tonight

So went out tonight to play my usual friday night live tournament, €10 buy-in with a rebuy or add-on of the same amount. We were like 11 or 12 this time and things started out well for me. First hand, blinds 25/50, I get AdQd, raise to 225, receiving two calls, one from a guy I never played against. Flop comes A46r with one diamond, one check, I bet 625 or so, both call. Turn is another diamond, giving me top pair, second best kicker and the nut flush draw. Again a check, I bet again, both call and beautifully another diamond hits on the river, giving me the stone cold nuts. First player - the one I didn't know - instashoves and I obviously instacall (the other guy folded) and I win with the nut flush against the second-best K-high flush. Unfortunate for the guy, but that should teach him not to call big pre-flop raises out of the position with K3, suited or otherwise.

Then I pretty much kept my stack only chipping up a little bit more with JJ, loose-aggro donkey raises, I 3bet enough to commit him, he goes all-in over the top, I call. He tables 55, the board doesn't change a thing and I enlarge my stack a bit more.

Alas, I had to bluff off like two-thirds of my stack on a beautiful floating bluff, which unfortunately was made against the wrong guy. After calling the flop, leading the turn after his check and then again making what I hoped would seem like a nice value bet on the river, he calls me with ace high and I'm left speechless. He says he knew I had nothing. I tell him I'd certainly use the exact same line with the nuts but that's like talking to a door with these people... well done, another soul read and either I should have thought a bit harder about who I was up against before floating that flop or I should have just gone all-in on the turn or river. He'd probably fold then. Gotta be more ballsy next time or just bail out entirely.

So I got reduced to less than 15 BBs, shoved a couple of times, no calls, until I shoved a third time after two limps with 44. Got called by the same guy with A9o, nice flop and all but an A had to come on the turn and my gutshot didn't hit on the river, so GG me.

Overall I'm happy with the way I played and could still go far in this tourney if this 44 coinflip went my way. It didn't and I can't complain as I'm not really sure that float bluff was a good thing to do in that spot. Ah well.

Next Sunday there's more live poker, with my regular Sunday night live tournament. Hope to play well in that one!

Zero Tilt?

I guess this blog's title couldn't be any more inappropriate. After the last post I went on to have a most beautiful remainder of August and even shipped a $33 MTT for almost $900 but from then on the downswing has been almost non-stop, with all the psychological adverse effects. You can imagine, right?

Deep down I knew that the lovely month of August would, in a sinister and twisted way, be a recipe for disaster. Starting the month on the $5.50 double up sit'n'goes, quickly escalating my bankroll in order to upgrade to the $11 and then $22 in rapid sucession... too good to be true. And well, the bigger they are, the harder they fall right? My fall wasn't pretty.

I didn't really blow up my entire bankroll, thanks to rakeback, but I got dead close. I displayed every definition of tilt, and that has impacted my life quite a lot. While I'm not out to become a poker professional, at least not overtly so, the truth is that quitting my job and looking for other prospects as an entrepeneur left me with basically no steady income for the time being. Having a first rakeback-enhanced month play out beautifully made me believe that this could indeed become a source of income.

It is not. Not for now, anyway. I was probably riding the good side of variance for most of August and I just didn't think for a second that the reason I was running so well could be that. Then it all went beserk and I got really confused as for the source of it all, reacting really bad to all the bad beats I was taking. What I was also noticing but could hardly believe was that I wasn't playing my best game anymore. Whatever that is.

To make a long story short, fast forward to present time, mid October 2010, and how I perceive this huge downswing from the other side. One thing that is clear to me is how letting yourself go on tilt makes your downswing not only card-related but also psychologically related. Basically, what I mean by this is the simple truth that the worse off your are mentally, the crappier your game will be. Meaning that while you should be near your A-game to really try and turn your "luck" around, you are actually playing some sort of B or Z-game. Bad beats turn into bad decisions and that's a negative loop that is REALLY hard to break out of.

Anyway, I'm sure it is important to notice every mistake you make, admit all those and hopefully learn with them. We'll always make mistakes, no matter how good (or bad) we are, the difference is only how often you make those dreaded mistakes. In the long run, that reflects directly on how profitable you are and that's not something a bad beat (or a succession of those in a single session) will ever deny.

So when things derailed, I decided to look elsewhere for other game structures and I pretty much did it all. I played cash games, I played regular sits, I played heads-up SnGs (something that I will still pursue with a lot of interest), I played MTTs hoping to hit big. Nothing worked because my mind wasn't right. It probably still isn't but now I got to the point of admittance and looking to change things around. So this whole post could probably be summed up in one phrase which will become my mantra:

IN POKER, DO NOT BE RESULTS-ORIENTED

Something we often fail to understand is that poker is such a beautiful game that skill, luck and results usually do NOT go hand-in-hand. This basically means that you don't win (or cash) every time you play your best game and the inverse is also true, accounting for all the donks who still haven't figured out how bad they really are because they ran hot for a while and cashed a couple of times. Being "results-oriented" means that whatever results you obtain over a period of time or in a single tournament/session are the barometer of how you feel about it. You win, you feel great and energized, ready for the next tourney, sometimes infatuated to the point of thinking you really crush at this game. You lose, you feel like shit because you probably went out with a huge sick sick sick beat, some donkey sent you to the rail after hitting his two-outer on the river after calling pre-flop and two streets of value with 75 offsuit.

But wait a second. How well did you play that hand? How well did you play every hand against that particular donkey? In fact, how well did you play every hand in that whole tournament? How well have you playing these past few weeks as a whole? Come to think of it...

HOW MANY GOOD DECISIONS HAVE YOU MADE LATELY?

It all boils down to this: if you haven't been near or at the top of your game, you cannot complain about a bad beat ruining it all for you. And besides, bad beats happen and either nothing is rigged or everything is rigged. Either way, gotta learn to live with it. And the better you live around bad beats and donkfests, the better you'll be in the long run. And that's where you want to do great: in the long run. Only by forgetting about results and focusing entirely on how well you play and how many "best decisions" you are making, can you be profitable and evolve as a poker player. Couple that with a lot of positive thinking and... results will then come naturally. So many (successful) people have said all this I'm saying, that the whole world cannot be wrong, really.

So I'm back where I started right after I got my rakeback deal: at the $5.50 double up sit'n'goes. It is true that where I play the field has definitely evolved, meaning the fish/shark ratio is becoming less and less favorable. But it's even more true that when my downswing began and all hell broke loose, I started playing awfully bad, never looking even to the mid-term. I got entirely too busy going crazy over the bad beats I was receiving.

I'm doing the utmost to cease being results-oriented not only in terms of each tourney, but also in terms of each session, each day, each week, even each month. Results are obviously important but in this particular game they are only really important in the (very) long run. And that kind of results will certainly come naturally if I play the closest I can to my A-game every tourney, every session, every day, every week, every month. Only peace of mind, study and reflection over past mistakes can help me achieve that.

It would be pretty to say that after this huge downswing I've arrived a better player on the other side. I won't say that, as I have no reason to believe that is already the case. But what I do believe is that I definitely walked the path necessary to become a better player from now on.

Friday 13 August 2010

Getting Some of It Back

Took a 24hr break and as I predicted, this rest would do good things for my game. As I don't have much time to play today, due to other activities in my life I've only played 5 sits but got back 86% of what I lost yesterday over 30 sits. This brings us to the current cumulative numbers for this month:

2010/08/01 - 2010/08/12
#SnGs: 240
ROI%: 8.2
ITM%: 55.0
Winnings (without rb): $149.50
Winnings (with rb): $241

Thursday 12 August 2010

Houston We Have a Problem

Negative day, which is to be expected sometimes, right? Took a shot at $22 and despite breaking even in a about dozen sits, decided to fall back to $11 for now. Found the field to be rougher than $11 after all and having a big enough bankroll is only half of what you should considering for going up levels. You should also bring your game up and I was not feeling comfortable there yet. I prefer to go back if and when I grow my bankroll a little more so I can be more comfortable playing there.

Reasons for this negative I feel are not so much about luck, but rather me being a little tired and making mistakes. These can be costly on turbo sits of this nature and I feel when I focused and rested, it's a totally different game and very different results. So I've decided to let it rest for a bit and pick it up again somewhere tomorrow, perhaps a good 24 hours from now.

Time for numbers.

2010/08/01 - 2010/08/12
#SnGs: 235
ROI%: 7.0
ITM%: 54.5
Winnings (without rb): $125
Winnings (with rb): $223


Wednesday 11 August 2010

Running Good!

I have definitely been running hot in the past couple of days and making the most out of it. After only one and a half days playing $10+1 sits, I've been fortunate enough to grow my bankroll enough to jump to $22+2 sits. Incredibly, I kinda felt the $10+1 sits were softer than the $5+0.50 ones. I'm looking forward to dive into the $22+2 tournaments tomorrow and see how it goes.

2010/08/01 - 2010/08/12
#SnGs: 213
ROI%: 12.9
ITM%: 55.9
Winnings (without rb): $185.50
Winnings (with rb): $257

Tuesday 10 August 2010

Catching Up

Wow, almost a month has gone by and a lot of stuff has already changed in my poker landscape. Since I wrote my last entry, I got into a big live poker tournament, the KFPT 440 EUR Main Event at Figueira da Foz Casino, an entry which I won in a live satellite the day before the main event. Unfortunately the tournament didn't go too well, as I got eliminated shortly after dinner, following a couple of missteps of my own. What was left was a bit more experience at this level which I hope to make into good use in the future.

Speaking of live tournaments, they are unfortunately really expensive and my cash from the early KFPT final table simply won't last forever and I don't want to burn it right away. So I've decided that for the next year or so, I'll be focusing on winning entries to these tournaments through live and online satellites. That and what I'm going to ramble a bit about in the next paragraphs.

Recentely (late July) I was offered a very nice rakeback deal and I'm trying to make good use of it, grinding it out online. I'm getting 55% right now, playing at a somewhat large network (not PokerStars, not Full Tilt) and I'm doing nicely so far. This network has some juicy Double or Nothing 6-max type tourneys, which pay double the buy-in to the first 3 players. I started out grinding these ones at the $5.50 buy-in, which means I get $0.55 in rakeback from every two tournaments I play. I've been trying to decide in which SnG type I have the most edge (if any!) and I'm still quite undecided. But I've been playing these double ups a lot.

The great thing about rakeback is how it attenuates variance A LOT. In fact, I can't live without it anymore and for me online poker without some sort of rakeback deal is just non-sense. You can't really on variance alone and it WILL bring you down sooner or later. Obviously, my idea with this is not to get stuck in these $5.50 but rather to go up the ladder and climb to bigger buy-ins, collecting as much rakeback as possible because you pay more rake the bigger the buy-in, of course. Since the beginning of August I've been grinding these $5 + $0.50 sits not really sure if and when to move up, until today I came across a great bankroll management video on YouTube which served as a good guide. I modified it a bit, to make it even safer and to cut to the chase, I'm basically moving up when I reach 20 buy-ins and moving down when I fall back to 15 buy-ins.

Looking at my bankroll, it became obvious in light of this strategy, that I could now move up to $11 SnGs, so that's what I'm playing now and having 14.6% ROI after 23 tournaments. Too early to say, but I feel the field isn't much stronger, only has a bit more regulars multi-table rocks. I'm also looking to unlock a $129 bonus at the room I play. For this I need to win another 5172 points right now, which by my calculations will take around two weeks to get. If I succeed in getting this by the end of the month, it's a massive boost to my bankroll and it will probably allow me move up again (to $22 SNGs). Mid-term objective is to collect enough rakeback that will allow me play in live tournaments monthly. We'll see.

From now on, as I did with my former challenge, I will post daily stats of my progress.

2010/08/01 - 2010/08/11
#SnGs: 188
ROI%: 8.7
ITM%: 53.7
Winnings (without rb): $100.50
Winnings (with rb): $158.50


Saturday 17 July 2010

NL10 Day #2 - Part II

And at last, a losing session. It's weirdly encouraging to know that a negative session precisely when I didn't play my best poker at the time. It encourages me because it makes me confident that playing A-game is definitely the most important thing, especially in the long run.

Won one pot without showdown before the flop after I 4-bet all-in from the SB with KQo based on a read I had. It worked, but could have easily gone really wrong. I did NOT want a call on that spot... Earlier on, I had JJ in UTG, raised 3BB, 3-bet from button and I flat call. Flop comes 289, two hearts, and I check-raise all-in, again based on read. Unfortunately I was really wrong, as he snap-called me with KK and, as poker loves donks, I rivered a J to double up. Yes, I apologized on the chat box... didn't deserve that one!

On the negative side, single-handedly responsible for this being a losing session, were two pots where I got stacked-off, or shall I say, I stacked myself off, if that even makes sense. In the first, I have a huge losing fish on my left whom I'm waiting for the right spot to exploit. In this hand, I'm on the CO holding AsTc, he's BTN, it's folded to me, I raise 2.5BB, villain flats, both blinds fold. Flop comes 5TQ rainbow, I c-bet 2/3 of the pot, standard, he again flats, after taking a while to make the call. I'm definitely not putting him on a Q and I believe I have the best hand at this point. Turn is a 7, two diamonds on the table now and despite the possible flush draw, this card looks pretty much like a brick to me so I fire a second, almost pot-sized, bullet of $1.20 to a $1.45 pot. My opponent again calls and I'm kinda clueless right now about he may be holding, but I believe he's holding a weaker Tx or even A5, typical of fishes calling every street at these stakes. River is a 9d, putting three diamonds on the board. I wasn't worried about the diamonds but this makes a possible flush, so I bet again for value, but only a third of the pot, maybe out of a little weakness on my part. My opponent goes instantly all-in, another behavior typical of a big fish and instead of taking the cautious route and accept that maybe I read this one wrong, I decided to go with my gut feeling and my read and called. He shows me AdKd to take all my chips. Hard to see this one coming...

The other bad hand is a good example of psychology gone wrong, in which I enter a new table and instantly get KK. There's a raise and someone flats it and I go immediately all-in for $10, trying to cause the impression that I'm a huge maniac and hoping that someone calls me with [AK-AJ,QQ-TT]. And someone did! What really screwed it all up was an A spiking up right on that flop and the caller holding AQ offsuit! So I'm out of chips and again rebuying...

Even if I do believe that I was a little unlucky in both cases, maybe I should have been more cautious, especially in the last hand. I should have 3-bet pre-flop and probably would've folded on the flop with that A and a show of strength of my opponent, making me lose minimum. Ah well...

Positive thing also is that this session allowed me to collect a 1,500 yearly VPPs bonus from Stars, worth $10. I wasn't aware how this works and when I figured out I could get $10 from the VIP store directly into my account I noticed the 750 VPP bonus sitting there waiting for me as well. Nice. Also broke the 1k hands barrier in this session. 1/10 of the challenge is done.

Session stats:

Minutes Played: 122.0
Hands: 331
Winnings: EUR -5.35
VPIP/PFR/AF/3Bet%: 22.2/14.8/2.73/5.8

NL10 Day #2

Saturday afternoon home alone is perfect for another of these online sessions. Somehow I don't feel like playing for long periods of time right now, so I sat for one hour of NL10. We'll see if this is a continuing trend, but I seem to get tired more easily playing cash than tournaments. The static nature of the game probably explains it. Tournaments are always moving forward and the differences between early, middle and late phases make it always exciting, I guess.

Anyway, another NL10 session and this one has been the most profitable one so far. Two days in and four sessions later, I'm still to have a negative stretch. But they will come. Ohhh, they will come. This time, I ran into a few fishes and was able to actually exploit them. I also had a few cards and was able to extract some value from them. I'm going to paste two hands here, which we won't go into much detail, but are illustrative of the nonsense that goes on at these stakes:

No-Limit Hold'em, $0.10 BB (6 handed) - Hold'em Manager Hand Converter from HandHistoryConverter.com

Button ($10.40)
Hero (SB) ($12.26)
BB ($10.16)
UTG ($10.30)
MP ($11.09)
CO ($9.74)

Preflop: Hero is SB with A, A

1 fold, MP bets $0.40, CO (poster) calls $0.30, 1 fold, Hero raises $1.25, 2 folds, CO (poster) calls $0.90

Flop: ($3.15) 9, A, 9 (2 players)
Hero bets $1, CO calls $1

Turn: ($5.15) 5 (2 players)
Hero bets $1.70, CO calls $1.70

River
: ($8.55) 2 (2 players)
Hero bets $8.26 (All-In), CO calls $5.69 (All-In)

Total pot: $19.93

Results:
Hero had A, A (full house, Aces over nines).
CO had A, 7 (two pair, Aces and nines).

Outcome: Hero won $21.53, CO won $0.05

This is what happens when people think top pair is the nuts. Another example was the following hand.

No-Limit Hold'em, $0.10 BB (5 handed) - Hold'em Manager Hand Converter from HandHistoryConverter.com

Hero (Button) ($11.02)
SB ($21.94)
BB ($5.55)
UTG ($10)
MP ($14.13)

Preflop: Hero is Button with K, 8
2 folds, Hero bets $0.25, 1 fold, BB calls $0.15

Flop: ($0.55) 2, 10, 10 (2 players)
BB bets $0.40, Hero raises $0.90, BB calls $0.50

Turn: ($2.35) A (2 players)
BB checks, Hero checks

River: ($2.35) 8 (2 players)
BB bets $1.30, Hero raises $4.40, BB calls $3.10 (All-In)

Total pot: $11.15

Results:
Hero had K, 8 (flush, Ace high).
BB had 7, A (two pair, Aces and tens).

Outcome: Hero won $10.60

Again, top pair rules. In both these hands - and on a few others - I was able to take more liberal, relaxed, lines because I had somewhat solid reads on my opponents. I started using a well known website to fetch player profiles in cash games and it's been helping me quite a bit.

Anyway, session stats, as usual:

Minutes Played: 60.3
Hands: 182
Winnings: EUR 14.28
VPIP/PFR/AF/3Bet%: 19.8/14.7/24.00/4.8


Happier about my aggression and 3bet%, which won me a couple of good pots without showdown. More to come soon!

Friday 16 July 2010

NL10 Day #1 - Part II

OK, let's just completely forget the live tournament I was talking about. It was just one of those usual home games where all of a sudden a lot of different people show up whom you never saw before in your life, whom after 10 minutes you can immediately tell they know shit about poker but who are on a HUGE hot run. Impossible to play against, unless you keep folding until you're 10BB and then shoving with any ace. Just not in the mood tonight, so even though I reach the final table, tried to steal the blinds with 84s and was caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Whatever, I really felt like going home anyway. It's wrong and I know I should adapt to any circumstances and any tables I may find.

Anyway, back home earlier than expected so decided to try another NL10 session at PokerStars. This time played for half an hour and it was again a positive session, this time thanks to a really lucky hand just before the session ended. Earlier on I had gotten in a couple of bad spots, once thanks to a bad read where my opponent had a set and I thought my top pair was good enough and another where I lost most of my chips to a higher flush. Tough to get away from those... then right when the session was drawing to a close, almost doubled up with QQ vs KK, a hand in which I 4-bet all-in before the flop, was on a flush draw after the turn and ended up rivering a Q. I had been losing almost $8, was able to slowly grind my way back to losing only $2 and this hand turned things around for good. Here's the stats for this second NL10 session:

Minutes Played: 87.1
Hands: 304
Winnings: EUR 4.37
VPIP/PFR/AF/3Bet%: 25.7/15.8/4.60/3.0

I think these are good solid stats for now, maybe the 3-bet % should be higher, provided I find the right spots. Something to tinker with in the next sessions. Here's how the graph is shaping up and you can see how up and down this session came out to be:

NL10 Day #1

As promised, I'll be posting incremental results from my cash game NL10 sessions, along with a few hand analysis, if need be. Today is the first day and along with the small sample presented in the last post, I kicked things into gear officially by playing exactly one hour of NL10 at PokerStars, with these session data:

Minutes Played: 60.4
Hands: 203
Winnings: EUR 8.49
VPIP/PFR/AF: 20.6/14.3/18.00


Obviously a good starting session, putting total profits so far at EUR 11.43, little over one BI (buy-in). I always seem to run good in everything's first session, problem comes later...

There was this one hand I'd like to dissect for a bit:


No-Limit Hold'em, $0.10 BB (6 handed) - Hold'em Manager Hand Converter from HandHistoryConverter.com

CO ($8.13)
Button ($10)
SB ($15.64)
BB ($10.19)
UTG ($10.90)
Hero (MP) ($17.05)

Preflop: Hero is MP with Q, 10

1 fold, Hero calls $0.10, 2 folds, SB bets $0.45, 1 fold, Hero calls $0.40

Flop: ($1.10) 6, 6, 2 (2 players)
SB checks, Hero checks

Turn: ($1.10) 9 (2 players)
SB checks, Hero checks

River: ($1.10) 9 (2 players)
SB checks, Hero checks

Total pot: $1.10

Villain is 21/21 over 40 hands (sample too small, surely) and I was basically playing this hand to try and hit a spade flush and limp-calling was only justified by having position post-flop. The flop was both good and bad, as it brought the flush draw I was seeking but those sixes could mean disaster. The SB checked and rather than risking a check-raise I decided to check behind, as I could probably get some value on later streets. When the SB checked again on the turn, I took it at as a sign of weakness and incorrectly check it behind again. Should have bet here, both for value and to protect my hand against a possible higher flush on the river. Then the river again doubled the board and it got really dangerous. It's true the SB never showed strength but then again, on a hand I misplayed almost from the beginning I rather win a bit, than risk losing more than I should to a possible full house. I checked again and took the pot, as the villain was holding AT. Turns out I would hardly get any more value for my hand, anyway...

Going to play a $10 buy-in 2-table live tournament tonight, will probably post a couple of hands here when I get back.

A New Challenge on the Horizon

Despite what I previously posted about challenges and not really being able to see them through, I'm now embarking on a new one. The reason is two-fold:

a) I'm sick and tired of playing tournament poker. I've been on a huge cold phase that's been going on for about a month now and I'm running from the aggravation of elimination for a while. Just sick of so many incredible bad beats in recent times. Nonetheless, I'll still be playing tournament poker live, just not online.

b) I believe that to be successful you have to pick yourself from the floor many many times and try as hard as you can to learn from your mistakes. This is so much a cliché as it is one of the simplest truths in life. The rate at which you learn from mistakes is directly proportional to the quickness of your development, in this case as a poker player.

So basically for the time being I'll be playing tournaments live and cash games online, particularly at PokerStars. So far, since I started playing poker, 99% of my focus has been tournament-oriented and now I feel it is time to pay more attention to cash games. This goes hand-in-hand with trying to develop my post-flop skills.

Now that I'm using Hold'em Manager, there's a huge wealth of stats readily available to help me analyze my game. Because I'm still quite inexperienced using it, for now I'm using some basic stats on my HUD: VP$IP, Preflop Raise, Steal, 3-Bet, Agg Factor, Flop CB, Fold to flop CB and # of hands. I think for now this is more than enough and later on I should be paying more attention to positional stats, eg., how many times a player has raised pre-flop from the button, versus from UTG and so on. The other aspect of Hold'em Manager that is really nice is the winning graphs, which you can display by # of hands, days or months.

So, as with any challenge worth its salt, I'm putting down a few rules for this one:
  1. I'll be playing exclusively on PokerStars $0.05/$0.10 6-max tables, with 100BB as a buy-in, thus $10.
  2. I will play for sessions no shorter than 1 hour and no longer than 2 hours.
  3. If I feel I'm catching entirely too many bad beats or that I'm obviously off my best game, I will stop playing immediately, even if breaking rule 2.
  4. The challenge is over when I reach 10,000 hands.
So the idea here is to see how I do over a 10k hands sample in NL10 on poker stars, a sample big enough to eliminate most variance. By playing somewhat short sessions and trying as much as possible to be honest with myself when something is putting me off my game, it'll also hopefully eliminate most silly playing on my part from the sample.

I'll be posting regular updates with my progress. To kickstart things, here's the first sample, not really representative because I've only playing for about half an hour.

Tuesday 13 July 2010

World Series of Bubbling

I've stolen the title from a tweet Barry Greenstein just made and I guess it fits my poker game tonight.

Last Sunday played the last tournament of a season we got going here in Evora and made it to the season's final table, to be played 10-handed in a few weeks. Looking forward to that one, since it's basically a deep-stacked sit 'n go and I guess those are my home turf. I don't think I'm a favorite, but I do think I have a shot at winning that thing, provided the Poker Gods give me a break and stop laying the bad beats down on me. I wanted to log a few hands from that one, but it was absolutely crazy, an rollercoaster all night that defied all theory and probabilities. So, let's just be done with it and be mentally prepared for the final table in two and a half weeks.

So tonight it was a two-table tournament, in a place I use to play sometimes, nothing more than a home game but a competitive one at that. Bad beats abound but I do respect a couple of players there and enjoy playing pots with them. Tonight I bubbled when I had everything to get every chip on the table, but again destiny denied me that pleasure. I do believe I played well, except for one key hand early on, but what can you do.

In this post I'm going to analyze a few key hands...

Hand #1 - "The Bad Read"

Setup: This is very early in the tournament, blinds 50/100, I have my starting stack of 5000 chips, give or take. Villain in the CO is a strong, experienced player, whom I respect a lot.

I have 99 on the BB and I raise pre-flop to 300, receiving only one call from the CO. We see the flop heads up and it comes 5 7 Q rainbow. Perhaps I should have check on the BB, effectively set mining but the more aggressive image I'm looking for made me take the raising line. Being the pre-flop raiser, sucks to be playing OOP with a queen on the flop, but a continuation bet is mandatory here so I fire a 450 bullet on this very dry flop. Villain thinks for a few seconds, claims I don't have a Q and cold-calls. At this point, with no obvious draws on the board, I don't think he has a queen, but a 7 or 5 is possible.

The turn is another 7 which makes it less likely for him to have one in his hand. Then again, it's a possible holding, given his reluctant flop call. It's important to underline that I'm playing against a good player which makes the post-flop play a lot more complex. Against a weak player, I'd be quite more comfortable, as they usually play much more fit-or-fold and that reflects in the way they bet. What I'm trying to say is that against a good player in this spot I have a lot more implicit fold equity as I'm able to represent some hands, something which would go way over the head of a weak villain.

There's basically two different lines I could take here. If I check, I'm not able to represent much as this opponent knows I'm unlikely to slow play a set of 7 in this spot. Checking would basically mean giving up the hand, as I'd have trouble calling a strong bet with one card to come. So I decide to represent pocket fives, or even a 7, betting what I hoped would look like a value bet, 550 into a 1200 pot, a slight underbet. After slight deliberation, my opponent calls. The river is an ace and with the line I took, I cannot back down now, because if I check, I open the door for a strong river bluff from my opponent, which I can't reasonably call. The only thing I can do is maintain my line and fire a third desperate bullet, as my pocket pair can beat very few hands. I bet another 800 chips and my opponent tanks for a bit but calls. I show my 99 and he shows a 7, for a set, taking the pot.

My read was wrong at all levels and his flop call made a middle pair his most likely holding. The 7 on the turn should have slowed me down a lot, but instead I went in denial and fired every bullet I could, not believing the harsh truth. The river didn't help, and the outcome was disastrous. With this hand I lost nearly 2000 chips, more than a third of initial stack.

After that initial setback I was able to get back on my feet, chipping up to around 6000 chips after some really lousy playing from a weak opponent. He gave me odds all the way to the river, I kept paying and hit my top pair by the river. Lucky me, but really disgraceful from him. Couldn't really win more pots after that but I cruised to the final table anyway, with around 5000 in chips. Blinds were already at 300/600, so I needed to double up soon. I shove QTo, get called by 77, a Q pops up on the flop and no more help to my opponent on the turn and river. I double up to about 10k chips.

Some time later, I'm against with around 10BB, blinds go up to 400/800, UTG limps and I shove AcKs from UTG+1. All fold to the limper, who calls with A6o! Flop immediately brings a 6, but justice was replaced when 4 spades hit the felt and I'm saved by a rivered flush. Another double up, getting me to about 15k chips and close to the chip lead.

A few hands later I have KK in the hijack, raise to 3900 with blinds 500/1000 and everyone folds. I show my cowboys face up, as I'm now chip leader and stealing some blinds is definitely in my plans for the next few hands. The very next hand I have... KK again! And this is the key hand for me in this tourney.

I have two black kings in the CO, pop it up to 4800 to discourage most calls as I'm not looking forward to play a multi-way pot. The button thinks and cold calls leaving about 7000 chips behind, effectively putting almost half his stack in the middle. The SB instally goes all-in for about 3000 more and it takes me all of two seconds to re-raise it all-in. The initial call came from whom I perceive as a weak player, so I don't put him on AA, thus I shove to discourage him and going heads up with the short stacked SB. To my dismay, he makes a crying call, putting the rest of chips forward. I'm NOT happy to play a 3-way pot with KK, but I'm encouraged when I see the button flipping AQo (!) and the SB showing AKs. Two aces left in the deck. Flop brings nothing relevant, but the turn is an ace and the river is... a queen. Absolute tragedy strikes, as the bigger stack comes from behind and takes the entire pot, almost tripling up, eliminating the SB in the process and leaving me crippled with about 7k chips.

I could probably have pushed all-in before the flop and we know the ace would hit anyway, yet I would lose less as only the short stacked SB probably would have called. But then again, it doesn't make much sense, as my raise (almost 5BB) was already strong enough to discourage non-premium hands from calling. I think I just got really unlucky in this hand.

From here on I'm only looking for a hand to shove my meager 4BB (t4275) stack, after the blinds pass through me once and I wake up with AdQd. I push and get called by the now mega chip leader, with... T8o. An 8 hits the turn and nothing else helps my hand, and I bubble. Sick.

Not much to be learned tonight, except for that initial mistake. Other than that, just quickly forget this bout of bad luck and move on to the next tournament...

Wednesday 7 July 2010

Still on Tuesday Night Game

To complement my earlier post on my latest live game, I thought it would be interesting to analyze the three main hands I found myself all-in pre-flop.

The first is my bad beat of the evening, AhKh vs. Th9h:


While my hand isn't dominating the villain's hand, it's still quite powerful being two overcards in the same suit, so I'm shutting out a possible flush for him. Roughly 64%-36%, as indicated by the picture above taken from a poker odds calculator. I commented last night that this move was definitely +EV off the top of my head, but the math proves it:

Stacks: Villain (4500), Me (6850), blinds 200/400
Pot: 4500 + 200 + 400 = 5100

So, if I go all-in and everyone else folds, I'm playing for villain's stack so I stand to win it plus the blinds, thus being the 5100 in the pot. If I lose, I'm down 4500 as I didn't put any blinds or antes in the pot. ICM tells us that this situation has a positive expected value:

EV = (0.64) * t5100 + (-0.36) * t4500 = t1.644

On the long run, I win 1644 chips on average with this move. Definitely positive EV, even though ICM tells us that, had I eliminated the villain, the equity he lost would be divided among the remaining players and wouldn't come all to me. We'd all be nearer the money, not just me. I'd just win a little bit more equity than everyone else.

The second situation is right after this hand when I shove 5BB with Qd9d. As I said earlier on, I was ready to go all-in with basically any two cards. It's interesting to note at this point that any random two cards will beat a top hand roughly 1/3 of the time. Add to that the fact that the probability your opponent holds an overpair is 10% and you see how justified my any-two shove here would be. I end up getting called by Ah8h and here's how we shape up to see the flop:


We're racing and I got lucky on the turn, dodging a flush draw on the flop, which made it 85%-25% before the turn. Nothing really interesting here, other than the fact that it allowed me to stay in the tournament.

Finally, we analyze the hand that sent me home. Villain open shoved around 10BB from early position and he had been quiet for a while, even folding his BB to previous action so I knew he had to be strong. I was praying for AJ, which would be the best I could hope for, but he ended up flipping AdQd, so we were off to the races:


A slight edge for me, but the flop was awful and I was virtually drawing dead by then. I think it would be very difficult for me to fold in this spot, given our stack sizes but had I been in the vicinity of 15BB and I'd definitely lean towards folding, after putting my opponent on a premium hand range. Again, let's look at ICM for my expectation on this spot:

Stacks: Villain (8000), Me (6000), blinds 400/800
Pot: 6000 + 400 + 800 = 7200

EV = 0.54 * t7200 + (-0.46) * t6000 = t1128

This means I'd only have -EV had I been against QQ+, which makes this a good move in the long run, as my opponent would rarely have such a high pocket pair in this spot. It's true it sent me home, and I'd prefer to be the one open shoving instead of calling a shove, but then again I wouldn't gain any equity by folding, as the blinds would come up and put me in a very difficult position. Only a great run of cards would save me then, so I might as well gamble, like I did here.

Some lessons learned and I'm definitely looking forward to playing my next tournament.

Tuesday 6 July 2010

Tuesday Night Game

Not withstanding what I wrote in my last post, I got an invite to play a live game tonight and I accepted it. Playing live is an opportunity I hate to pass up, unless higher values come into the equation.

Decided to change my game a bit, playing much more aggressive from the get go, almost trying to be the table bully. Won a nice pot early on with showdown and then a couple more with standard c-bets on the flop, taking advantage of a couple "fit-or-fold" type players. Built some stack but then got involved in a big pot, failed to make a good read and went back down to a little below my initial stack. Moved tables, but before I did that I was able to scoop another juicy pot on the flop. I had AQo on the SB, couple of limps, button raises 3BB, I make a standard 3-bet and get check-called by villain in the CO. Definitely fishy, but then again I saw this player slow playing his KK before the flop, so it wouldn't surprise me if was on an {AK,AQ} type hand. Button folds and we see the flop. All rainbow rags, I fire a pot-sized c-bet which sent villain to the tank but thankfully forced him to muck his hand. I definitely put him on a AK-AJ, maaaaaaaybe KQ-suited range, so it was kind of a standard play from both of us.

Then on the other table, we were playing 5-handed and I stole the blinds once with Ace-rag, keep afloat, with about 11-12BB. Then this hand comes up where it is folded to the CO who instantly goes all-in, I wake up with AhKh on the button and instant re-raise all-in. Fold, fold and we see the flop heads up. He turns Th9h face up, for a little disguised WTF moment on my part and flop comes not one but two tens, evolving to a full house by the river, and I shrink to some 5BBs. Bad beats, I love you dearly. Poker loves donks.

Reduced to little more than ashes, I was ready to shove the next hand with pretty much any two cards and I wake up with Qd9d. More than enough. I shove and get called by the BB, showing Ah8h. Two hearts on the flop, giving my opponent a flush draw - something I'm getting quite used to stomaching when flipping lately... - but the turn is a 9 and he doesn't complete his flush. I double up and am back above the waterline with some 5,000 chips.

It's soon time to join the two tables, as my former table also got 5-handed and the final table was underway. Sadly being in push-or-fold mode, with blinds 300-600, I shove a couple of times, once with Ace-rag (showing the rag face up to the table) and once with JTo, showing it face up as well. The reason I decided to show these bluffs to the table is because lately I feel I have too solid an image at the places I play in. Basically, people are respecting me too much and I'm not getting enough value for my premium hands because of that. The only way to counter that seems to be showing some bluffs and get a looser image.

After those steals I got up to 6,500 chips, more or less, when someone goes all-in pre-flop a couple of seats before me and I hold JcJs. In this spot, with half the table still to act, I would probably tank for a while and eventually fold, guessing my opponent, raising from early position with around 10BB would have to be on a pretty tight range of {99+,AK,AQ} and maybe AJ suited, a range which kinda dominates me or at least gets us flipping. However, I came to this tournament with a more aggressive approach and it wouldn't make much sense to fold JJ after what happened earlier. Either I doubled up and was back in the game, or I would go home. He flips AdQd, for two suited overcards, which makes this a 54%-46% race, me being slightly ahead. At least I guessed his range right! The flop is awful with an A and two diamonds giving him top pair and a flush draw and after another diamond hits the turn, I'm drawing dead and on my way to the rail.

All in all, I'm happy with the way I played and I enjoyed the more aggressive line I took. If I didn't take that huge AK vs T9 bad beat, I would shoot up to near the chip lead and I would be a serious candidate for ITM and maybe winning the tournament, as the more aggressive players were either short or already out of the way. So, tonight I can safely blame it to luck that I didn't go further and can rest peacefully in the knowledge that my AK call was definitely +EV, being dominated only by KK+ which that villain certainly wouldn't open shove with in the first place.

I definitely feel that aggressive poker is a must to be a contender in big tournaments and I plan on keeping my game going on this direction, while developing post-flop skills to go with it. While not playing a hand, it's great to sit back and watch, trying to get a read on the players that are in the hand. There's no better way to develop your reads.

Position-Aware Bet Sizing

One of the important aspects of being positional aware at the poker table is sizing your bets depending on where you sit at the table, the same your opening range needs to vary accordingly. The earlier your position, the tighter you should open and the inverse is obviously also true.

When it comes to sizing your opening raises, I've read different - and contradicting - theories in different literature, which fall into three different categories.
  1. Always bet the same amount
  2. Bet more the earlier your position
  3. Bet less the earlier your position
The second option is what I have always implicitly used and, to be honest, I don't know why. I guess the reasoning is that you have more players to act behind you, so your raise should be bigger to discourage calls from weak holdings. I also understand the merits of betting the same amount no matter what, as to disguise your hand, considering you bet the same be it with a premium hand or a more marginal holding.

However, I was just reading Phil Gordon's Little Green Book and I fell in love with the way he thinks about sizing your bets when opening the pot. He basically says that the earlier you act, the less you should raise, for a few different reasons:
  • Committing fewer chips to the pot when out of position. Being OOP after the flop makes it difficult to play and so you want to control the pot a bit more.
  • A smaller raise encourages opponents to play against you when you have a premium hand. Which, by the way, is what you will have when opening from early position, anyway.
  • Bigger raises from late position put real pressure on the remaining players to fold and make it harder for the blinds to re-raise. When in late position, your opening range is wider, so you want to discourage most callers, while giving value to your more speculative hands.
  • When raising in position, there is more money in the pot. If you have position, you're in better shape to take the pot, so you want it to be bigger when you're in that situation.
Phil advocates the following chart of bet sizing, relative to the BB:

Early: 2.5x - 3.0x
Middle: 3.0x - 3.5x
Late: 3.5x - 4.0x
SB: 3.0x

I can't wait to try this in my next tournaments and see for myself if it's an EV+ strategy.

Stop

Well obviously I couldn't get through with the challenge. Knowing me, I'm actually surprised it got to day one! Variance is a bitch and the truth of the matter is that to properly take on a challenge of this nature, I'd have to be focused on it and not just play on a now-I-can-play-for-half-hour basis. That or losing sleep playing poker which only adds up as the week goes on.

No matter. Not a problem. We'll put this challenge of mine on hold and focus on more important things on my path to become a better poker player. Today I feel like talking about burnout.

Too much is too much

Whatever you do in life, if you do too much of it, you will eventually (and occasionally) get sick of it. Sometimes it gets borderline compulsive and obsessive and when it gets to that, you better watch out and do something about it. Gaming and gambling are among those activities with the most propensity for compulsion and damaging your life. I obviously do not jump in the "if it's gambling, it's evil" bandwagon, I'm a player after all, but I do believe in balance.

Sadly, I've never had much balance in my life. When I find something I like, I have trouble letting it go and do it almost obsessively. I'm just not very good at giving myself orders so in the past, when faced with the necessity to study and the will to play, I very rarely studied. It was only when things got out of hand and the prospect of flunking became a very real threat, that somehow the switch was turned and I did apply myself to the books.

Poker, obviously, is a perfect ground of confusion and losing your balance. It's obviously a notion quite impossible to grasp for people who don't play or are not interested in it, but it's definitely a game that can mess with you, as it deals with both luck and skill. While I'll postpone a discussion of skill vs. luck in poker, for now suffice it to say that Poker being the game of incomplete information and skill that it is, it can lead you to an insatiable desire to improve your game, to become better, to become closer to the best players out there.

In my case, while I do have a strong urge to learn and improve my skills, I'm guilty of a bad learn/play ratio. Too often I forfeit reading and thinking about the game outside of the tables, for time spent sat down at a table, especially online. And if you think rationally about it, this behavior can only lead to disaster. If you play a very competitive game but don't spend enough time improving your skill, it's obvious the results won't improve either and the longer you play with less than satisfying results, the more upset and frustrated you become. And I've already started feeling the burden some time ago.

Don't Erase, Yet Rewind

So, the conclusion is that I need to stop thinking about challenges and about enlarging my bankroll and, god forbid, making a living through Poker. If I have a genuine love for the game, which I do, I should put my foot on the brake pedal right now and for a while play less poker and think/read/learn/study more about the game. I do believe I got to a point where I evolved into an slightly above average player, which doesn't necessarily mean a winning player and maybe not even a break-even player. But I do feel I need to take it down a notch, reducing time spent playing, especially online, and using that time to read and think more about strategies, situations, analyzing hand histories, watching videos, etc.

Sunday 20 June 2010

The Challenge: Day #1

So it's been the first day of the challenge I've described in the previous post and the result is so far frankly positive. I had friends in the house today so I wasn't able to play much but I still found time to put in 5 SnGs today:

5 Tournaments played
409 Hands played
0.80 Buy-ins won/tournament
$2.69 won/tournament
$13.45 Total winnings
83% ROI
60% ITM

Promising, but in all honesty it's just another day which happens to be both the first and a positive one. I'm expecting a lot of variance so there'll be plenty of days in the red, for sure.

The Challenge

Seems like every online poker player these days has some kind of challenge going on, usually going from $0 to several millions in a pre-determined amount of time or whatever. Personally I'm a much more humble kind of player and I figured that in my case, a concrete challenge would help me focus my online game. I've been all over the place, playing from MTTs to all kinds of SNGs with no really bankroll management for quite some time and that kinda sucks.

However, playing a little bit of everything seems to have shown which games I'm stronger in and I have no doubt that my best game right now is the $3.25 6-Max Turbo SnG over at PokerStars. So here's the plan:
  • I will exclusively play $3.25 6-max turbo sit'n'go for an undetermined amount of time, starting now.
  • I will start with a rather meagre $30.42 bankroll and try to work my way up from there. I'm perfectly aware that I'm underrolled for this buy-in so I run the risk of going bankrupt quite easily. But that just spices the challenge up.
  • I will try to move up levels, that is to say buy-ins in this kind of SnG. For the first three levels ($3.25, $6.50 and $13) I will move up whenever I get to 20 buy-ins. 40 buy-ins would be safer and is generally recommended by most bankroll management guides I've found, but I've already had the experience of playing $6.50 for a while and the field isn't really any different from $3.25 and I imagine from $13, with slight improvements in overall quality of the players. If I get to $13, then I will bump the margin up to 30 buy-ins.
  • I will force myself to move down a level if a downswing brings me back to 10 buy-ins or less for the current level I'm at. Call it bankruptcy protection.
And that's it. I will post progress here from now on. I'll be playing exclusively one table at a time and will try hard to be absolutely focused on each sit so as to maximize my win rate.

GG!

Friday 18 June 2010

Tuesday 15 June 2010

Reboot

I started playing poker about eight months ago. I had contact with the game from a very young age, because my father has played synthetic poker a long time ago, but I had never really played back then. From those days, my idea of poker was strictly what I now know as cash games, and therefore it was an ominous idea. Poker can ruin you. You can only play poker if you got a lot of money, something I obviously have not. It attracted me, though.

About a year ago, I learned that a lot of people that I had semi-daily contact with here where I studied and live, were gathering every Sunday night to play poker. The idea intrigued me as I had always been fond of cards and poker in particular so I inquired the guy who was organizing the thing, asking how much were the stakes. It was only then that I learned about tournament poker and how in this case, the most you could burn through in one night was a mere 15 euros, and that was the worst case (I quickly learned what rebuys and add-ons were).

Well, if that was so, why not give it a try. I showed up and got instantly hooked. I soon realized that I really didn't know or apply any strategy to this game, but shockingly won one of my first tournaments, surpassing over 20 players on this 3-table MTT. As with everything else in my life, I kinda get OC about it, so the more I played the more my interest escalated. And this meant actually learning the game, devouring literature both online and on physical books, watching videos, reading forums and playing. Jumping to online poker was just a short step ahead. I quickly got aware of concepts like playing with position, bet sizing, pre-flop raising, starting hand selection and so on. After a while trying to apply this basic theory to the game, it was no problem to get ahead of the majority of my adversaries, who simply played for the fun of it and don't apply much of their time improving their game. Later on, it was only half surprise for me to have won another of these MTTs.

The next step would be trying bigger nationwide tournaments and those soon called for me. My first tournament was held at Figueira da Foz and it was a Knockout type tournament. The buy-in was gigantic for what I was used to do, but I saw this as fun weekend, rewarding myself for having finished my masters thesis. It was fun alright, but it got even more fun as much to my surprise I found myself in the final table and finishing 5th out of a field of 209 players. What seemed like a waste of 165 EUR buying in to the tournament, actually turned into a nice 1300 EUR profit. Making an effort to separate personal money from poker money, this rather large sum was kept precisely as poker money, which would allow me to play more of these big tournaments in the future.

So this brings us back to two weeks ago, when the seed for this blog seems to have been planted. Back in the start of this month, I played the Solverde Season Stage #6, one of the oldest poker tournaments in Portugal, sponsored by PokerStars. This would run Saturday and Sunday, but in every Solverde weekend, Friday nights are reserved for satellite tournaments so I decided to buy in to the super-satellite to the Solverde Main Event, a huge end-of-season tournament, with a 1100 EUR buy-in to be held in December. Another 90 or so players bought into this and after a few hours of playing what I felt was my A-game, I found myself again on a major final table, battling for one of the 6 entries avaliable. And again to my surprise, I did win one of those, albeit getting to the final table a bit short-stacked.

At this point, it's difficult not to feel like you got something special in you when it comes to this game. You don't necessarily feel like a great poker player, but you feel that maybe you have it in you to go far in it. Getting back to earth only two a few hours as the next day's regular event was a huge disaster. One misplayed JJ hand against a top Portuguese pro player opened the Pandora's box to all kinds of bad luck and suckouts which in turn induced a major tilt in me. Until then, I had never experienced tilt on a major tournament. This time I did, I was maybe the second guy going out even before the add-on break. It sucked royally, it made me feel bad for all kinds of reasons, but at the same time it was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. Maybe I have a tiny little gift for the game, given my factual results in just a few months, but the harsh truth is that I know nothing about Poker. And the more I put myself among the best players, the more it shows.

That same evening I bought into a 10-man sit'n'go which would give 2 entries to the Closing Event on Sunday. I played well again, on a somewhat soft table it should be said, and won the entry. That probably pumped me again to dangerous heights, at least in my subconscious, because on Sunday I played absolute crap once again, and once again found myself one of the first to hit the rail.

It was time to admit that a lot of common sense, basic notions and a sure dose of lucky hands are what got me the short-lived success I achieved. There's no doubt in my mind that I have to take my understanding of the game to the next level if I don't want to end up as a one-hit wonder, a total fluke.

Since then I've been trying to get my game going online, trying to become a profitable player but failing miserably. Here and there I've found many reasons for that, none of which I seem to be consciously thinking about, none of which I seem to be consciously acting upon. I'm sure my obsession with this game is one hand part of what makes a great player (meaning without it I will hardly ever get anywhere) but on the other hand is making me mess up a lot of things, most of all mixing up poker, work, relationships and all kinds of real life. So far, I seem to be unable to put each thing in a different compartment and the truth of the matter is that equally hurts every sector of my life. It's a textbook case of trying to do everything at once and failing miserably on each one. To add to the problem, poker usually wins over everything else, and that's just not healthy. Not only that, it's absolutely unnecessary to happen that way, and I know it.

Reasons? In every aspect of my life, in everything I've tried to do, I'm utterly fascinated by those who are best in the field, by those who excel at what they do. In a way that's great, because we all need to feel inspired, but it also hurts me as I get easily frustrated for seeming unable to get some high place blindingly fast. If they can do it, why can't I? I fail to understand that those guys have been progressively working at their craft for a million hours. I fail to understand, most of all, that all I know about them is their success. I never hear about their failures, at least not loudly. Failure is silent. Success has a whole lot of flash. But they do fail. A lot. I have to strive for success, but allow myself room for failure. It's an unavoidable part of the road to success and the sooner I actually interiorize that notion, the better.

So this blog is born for a whole lot of different reasons. First as a sort of stream of consciousness device, in case you haven't noticed yet. Often writing to yourself - and whoever wants to read it - helps you state obvious truths that you simply are ignoring by not putting them down, hard and fast. This hopefully will allow me to confide in myself the trouble I run into while trying to become an above average poker player and in general log the steps I take on this path.

Just saw this come up on my Twitter account:

"No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again." ~Buddha

Nice.

I know my behavior not always matches this line of thinking, but I do believe we are one, body and mind, and that to excel at whatever we do, we absolutely need to be balanced. I absolutely cannot be the poker player I intend to be if I'm not physically and mentally well. It's easy to see that if I improve my well being towards this goal, I'm also bound to become a better, healthier person, someone who's more likable, someone who is nice to have around and generally I'll feel happier, more accomplished, more confident. Poker is not the most important thing in life and shouldn't be the only reason to get better in general. But it is something I love to do, and if it drives me to a better place, then so be it.

Stating what's wrong seemed like a good first step. I feel better already.